here i come, here i am

well it's been a fucking year since i wrote in this,  i am not sure where the time went. 

since my last post, a summary of what has happened:

1. quit the blue letter

2. moved back to atlanta

3. ended three relationships at once

4. worked the worst job ever for three months

5. went to europe, saw incredible shit

6. got a better job

7. rekindled a old friendship

8. got a real good girl, to tender

9. got yelled at like a child by a childish adult

10. started recording new songs

11. saw a long time friend enter a new chapter of his life

12. got a new house

13. hate my new house

14. hate me, still

so now that you are caught up to the present let's talk about the future.

if i'm still in ga in a year without a band or a better job, i am quitting everything hear and leaving.

.

lost highway

i leave for my first tour with the blue letter tomorrow.

unsure of the future.

richmond makes me sad, atlanta makes me sad, alone makes me sad, friends make me sad,

writer's block, empty wallet, car won't start, let down.

fuck it. wore out.

let go

i'm the kind of person that won't eat, if there is no one to eat with.

3 items of death in june, in the mail. the only thing i'm looking forward to.

to the bone

i have the next four days off. i wish i had the energy or motivation to do something constructive. i work hard enough to when i have time to myself, it is just that... time with myself.

forever trapped in the abyss

i have no idea what triggers this feeling, but i can never escape it. it usually comes at night from sitting on the computer; i don't know if that is the absolute cause of the feeling though. sometimes i just feel utterly hopeless. hopeless in friends, hopeless in girls(always), even hopeless in music. i hate my past and i'm scared of the future. i miss bo and sean and ben. i wish we were around eachother all the time. although i feel like none of them really want to see me as much as i do theml; we are all moving in different directions. i am searching out of discontent, i have been trying to talk to girls from different countries so that i might be able to travel out of the US. it's pointless and pathetic. i don't know what i am doing. fuck.

listen to death in june and kill yourself.

i'm sick again, always with the sinus' and the green and yellow and brown snot.
i'm not fully sick yet, but i feel it could a turn for the worse at any moment.
i have to get dressed for work, i just took my weekly shower and it's time for frosted flakes.


baptized in night by the hand of bone
cold,i awake, pull the blood from hair
laid in the bed of another, a demon breathes